Saturday, August 11, 2007
Random Jokes =)
No. 1
Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff.
The first guy says to the other guys "You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly."
The second guy says "No Way!"
So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it. Then all three guys walk out to the edge of the cliff.
The first guy jumps off, starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff.
The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer, I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy has another beer.
After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now"
So they all went outside and the second guy jumped off the cliff, fell to the bottom where he hit the ground and died instantly.
The third guy turned to the first guy and said
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"You know Superman, you are a real jerk when you drink"
No. 2
An old man and his wife went to the doctor for their annual check-up.
While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, "So how has life been treating you?"
The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off."
While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor tells her what her husband said.
Her reply was:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Damn it! The old man's been pissing in the fridge again!"
No. 3
A man is in a mental institution and after 5 years he can take a test to see if he is well enough to leave. For the test, they call him in and asked him to name his body parts.
He says "finger, hand, wrist, knee....", but points to his elbow when he says "knee". Thus, he failed. But five years later he was back again for the test.
He says "finger, wrist, elbow, shoulder, bellybutton....." but points to his nose when he says bellybutton. He failed again. The next four tries ended with the same results.
Finally......... after 30 years he went into the same room for the test and said "finger, hand, wrist, elbow, shoulder, eye, nose, mouth" while pointing correctly at all the body parts.
He passed.
So the people at the MI decided let him leave.. but before he goes they asked him how he managed to do it this time.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The man points to his head and said "I used my kidneys."
No. 4
(Last but not least, diet tips for all)
1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out.
3. Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes chocolate, brandy, toast etc.
4. If you fatten up everyone around you, you will look thinner.
5. Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calories leakage.
6. Pls remember your science lessons from school. A ‘calorie’ is a unit of heat; therefore cold food have no calories. Ice cream is frozen and is an excellent diet food. It results in ‘negative’ calories.
---------The End----------
(Disclaimer: The diet tips have not be scientifically proven to be effective. The author will not be responsible for any side-effects resulting from commitment to the above tips.)
.......
